Things start to spiral out of control for Gomez when he tries to win back his ex-girlfriend during a very strange New Year's Eve party.
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Graham Parke is responsible for a number of technical publications and has recently patented a self-folding map. He has been described as both a humanitarian and a pathological liar. Convincing evidence to support either allegation has yet to be produced.
No Hope for Gomez! is his fiction debut:
Boy meets girl.
Boy stalks girl.
Girl already has a stalker.
Boy becomes her stalker-stalker.
Random Acts of Senseless Kindness, Excerpt:Blog entry: Arrived at the store late, found a homeless guy sleeping in the doorway. Hicks was already inside but gave no indication he’d noticed. I nudged the homeless guy and asked, “How are you doing down there, fellow? You okay?”
The homeless guy grumbled something in his sleep.
“It’s getting pretty cold,” I said. “Don’t you want to come inside?”
“Inside?” He coughed and opened his eyes.
I pointed out the store, not convinced he’d actually noticed where he’d crashed the night before. “This is my antiques store,” I told him. “We’ve got the heating on inside, shame to waste it on just two people. And it looks like it might start to snow soon.”
The homeless guy gave me a suspicious look. “You want me to come inside? With you?”
“Sure, if you’d like.”
“Is that because you think that if I come inside with you, I’ll let you touch me?”
“Okay, because I can tell you right now, that’s not gonna happen.”
“Well, I suppose it is good to get those kinds of things clear beforehand. But no, I was just thinking you might enjoy the warmth, maybe a cup of cocoa.”
“A cup of cocoa you say…” He scratched his stubble. “And you’ll be charging me for this cup of cocoa?”
“No, the cocoa is free.”
“I see. So, are you operating under the assumption that if I come inside with you, and I drink your free cocoa, that I will touch you?”
“Okay, because I can tell you right now, that’s not gonna happen either. Just because a guy is down on his luck, that doesn’t mean he goes around touching people in exchange for cups of cocoa.”
“I understand completely. And thanks again for pointing that out. But no, my friend and I noticed that you were sleeping in our doorway and, well, we’d like to invite you inside.”
The homeless guy turned and peered through the window in the door. He made eye-contact with Hicks, who panicked and went looking for his broom. “That your friend?”
I followed his gaze. “Yeah, that’s Hicks. He’s a bit peculiar, but he’s okay.”
“I see.” The homeless guy pulled on his collar. “And this friend of yours, will he be drinking cocoa also?”
“I suppose. I’m not entirely sure, but it seems likely.”
“I see.” The homeless guy considered this. “So,” he said, after a long moment, “will this friend of yours be expecting me to touch him?”
“No! There is no touching involved in any of this!”
“Okay, calm down,” the homeless guy said. “There’s no need to get all homophobic!”
“You sounded homophobic to me.”
“Me? You’re the one who can’t stop talking about touching people!”
I noticed people stopping in the street to stare at us. This made me very uncomfortable.
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