Google+ Reading Teen: Why Do We Make Ourselves Miserable? (Or How Crying is Stupid)

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Why Do We Make Ourselves Miserable? (Or How Crying is Stupid)

by andye

People are always recommending these sad books to me, like The Fault in Our Stars.  And usually, I just smile and nod and say, "Oh, okay, sure...maybe I'll get to that."  But really, I'm thinking....NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.



I'm sure they're awesome books, very moving and what-not.  But here's the thing:

I HATE CRYING!!

I hate it!!  Like I will do just about anything to avoid crying.  And it's not because I'm embarrassed, or emotionless or whatever (though I may be a little emotionless...haha), it's just because I feel miserable after I cry.  My eyes get puffy, I get a headache, and I just want to sleep for days.  A Crying Hangover. #Cryover.  I HATE IT!!

I did FINALLY read The Fault in Our Stars, and OF COURSE I LOVED IT.  But still!  Now I have to deal with watching the movie, and I can barely make it through the trailer without tearing up.  How??  Like, I'm getting anxiety just thinking about all the crying that's going to happen to me!!



So here's my question.

WHY DO WE LIKE TO MAKE OURSELVES CRY?

Why do we (and by "we" I really mean "you," because I avoid cry-fests like the plague) intentionally do/read/watch/talk about things that we KNOW ahead of time are going to make us turn into puddles of sadness?


How does this make any sense at all???  I hate feels.  Feels suck.  Except good feels.  I like good feels much better.

So, tell me.  What are the books/movies/situations you put yourself in, that you KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT are going to make you cry, and you still go into them willingly?  Or in some cases, with excited anticipation?

And do you have a cure for the Cryover?

Anxiously yours,



21 comments:

  1. I am not really a big crier by nature so I don't usually worry when people say that I am going to cry at something, because I really rarely do. But I think the appeal is more that something evoked so much emotion in you that it made you cry, and people want to share that intense feeling with others. The things that usually make me cry though are things having to do with parents/children more than any kind of romance.

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    1. That's so me too. I just don't cry that often. But I don't understand the thought, "I know this is going to make me cry! I can't wait!!" which I hear so often!

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  2. I've been avoiding The Fault in Our Stars for this very reason. I have to be in the mindset to jump into an emotional roller coaster like that. I got it for Christmas and I'm still not ready.

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    1. The good thing about TFiOS is that it's more funny than sad.

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  3. films: steel magnolias; becoming jane; incendies; lone survivor; cinderella man; the painted veil; love actually; the notebook; dead poets society; turner and hooch; saving private ryan; philadelphia; a time to kill; good will hunting; playing by heart; one day; the perks of being a wallflower.

    books: the language of flowers; the fault in our stars; right before your eyes; eleanor and park; i see you everywhere; love rosie; the time traveler's wife; a temporary matter (the first short story featured in jhumpa lahiri's interpreter of maladies).

    music: tear in your hand by tori amos; sometime around midnight and duet by the airborne toxic event; ashes and wine and almost love by a fine frenzy; between the lines by sara bareilles; the chain by ingrid michaelson.

    yes, they have the power to make me cry. but they also have the power to make me love. and i'll take that gladly. i welcome it.

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    1. *sigh* I did like most of the movies/books you named, but I still just hate crying. haha

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  4. I am a crier. I inherited it from my mother. I cry at really happy things. I cry at sad things. I cry at things that move me. I laugh until I cry. So trying to avoid things that make me cry would mean I couldn't read or watch a lot of things. But I have come to terms with my crying and now I just embrace it because ... well, I have to.

    But sometimes I do watch or read something KNOWING it will DEFINITELY make me cry. A lot. Sometimes I do it because I know it's just going to be good. And sometimes I do it because I have a lot of feels going on over things in my real life that I have no control over. So I watch something or read something that will make me cry as a sort of cathartic release. Because I know that it's not real and I have the control over watching/not watching, reading/not reading and usually it's something that ultimately ends in some sort of happiness - something that doesn't always happen in real life.

    My favorite go-to "crying" movie is Tru Confessions - an old Disney movie that is FANTASTIC.

    I think the only cure I have found for a cryover is doing something that makes me laugh :)

    Also, I listened to The Fault in Our Stars as an audiobook in my car. Driving on the highway while drowning in tears is not something I recommend ;)

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    1. Your reasoning actually makes a lot of sense. Taking control over your emotions. :D

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  5. I still cry when I watch The Neverending Story and Artex dies in the swamps of sadness...but I love that movie. I don't read or watch movies to cry. And I cry over weird stuff so it's hard to know what will set me off. If I know something happens to a pet, ill stay away.

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  6. It's not that I love crying, but I don't mind as long as the book is good. I have cried with many books, and movies for that matter, such as The Book Thief (while listening to the audiobook AND driving, which is NOT a good combination.) But still, I love the feels and often the books that move me that way are more memorable to me at the end.

    BTW, I LOVE TFiOS and I can't wait for the movie, even if I have to bring a box of tissues with me (I read that one the day after being discharged after emergency surgery, which I also DON'T recommend!)

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  7. I hate it too, so I tend to avoid overly sad books as well. But TFIOS was amazing and I'm glad I braved it.

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  8. I don't mind crying, which is a good thing because as I get older I find I cry or tear up at EVERYTHING. It's annoying. I do like it better when it sneaks up on me, but I am more prepared when I know I am going to cry. So when I read TFIOS I already knew what was going to happen (I had a reader in my school tell me what happened). So, I was preapred and it didn't hit me so hard (good thing!). But, I think a good cry makes me feel better. Now vomiting, I will avoid that at any cost!!

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  9. I have strong opinions about TFiOS. Basically, I won't read it. I think that books or movies with really heavy, sad themes allow us to experience something terrible at a distance. So, even though we may not have had the experience ourselves, it kind of feels like we have. Also, it makes us feel grateful for what we do have, and that we didn't have to actually experience whatever crap it was we read.

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  10. Sometimes I NEED a good cry. Weird right?! But I'm so against crying when I get bothered or upset about something IRL that eventually all my emotions get bottled & I need to release them...SO....here comes the Gosling duo fix. I first pop in THE NOTEBOOK because its garuanteed I will cry EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Then after all that is out of me I pop in CRAZY STUPID LOVE because then I get to see all the swoony hotness of Ryan shirtless and the adorable hilarious Emma Stone. So that is my "let out my emotions" game plan. As for books I don't intentionally read any that will make me cry, but some do & I just go with it. TFIOS I was actually not a fan of. I didn't cry, I don't know. Just didn't click with me. Now the movie...I'm sure I will see it & it will probably make me cry. By the way, stay clear of WE WERE LIARS if you don't like tears.

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  11. HAH! This post made me laugh. Mostly because I avoid books like that because I don't normally like them. Like, I think I'm just heartless. I don't even cry. Like, okay, WE WERE LIARS? I didn't even get a little misty-eyed. IF I STAY? Nothing. WHERE SHE WENT? More nothing. And I feel like if you can't cry over them, it's taking away some of the enjoyment factor. haha

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  12. The thing with me is I *hate* crying about real life things, and I *love* crying over stories. In real life, when something worth crying over happens, generally it's something that affects people around me too and so I feel responsible for helping those people and for putting on a strong front myself, because I don't want others to feel the need to make me feel better. With stories, there is literally nothing I can do to help, and there's no one who is burdened by my crying in anyway, so I'm free to release those feelings without any guilt. It's emotions without responsibility. :)

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  13. I don't avoid sad books as much as I avoid books about topic that might potentially make me angry or frustrated. RL makes me angry and frustrated just enough, I don't need fiction to do the same. There are a few books I've heard great things about and I want to read them, but I keep putting them off because I'm afraid of my reaction to the topic.

    Sadness is not one of those, though. I might be masochistic, but there is something so satisfactory with a story that makes me cry. Maybe because I have issues showing sadness/crying about RL issues, so fiction gives me the vent to get it out. And I agree with others, it makes me feel better. Also, some of the most beautiful stories are tragic ones.

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  14. I read or watch things that I know will make me cry because I need to sometimes. I have a lot of emotions, but I don't like to let them out and will bottle them up. So when I read or watch something that makes me cry, it makes me feel a bit better to have gotten some of my emotion out. So it just makes me feel better.

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  15. To honestly answer your question, I want to try these things out to see if they really can actually make me cry. I'm NOT heartless (really!) but there are actually only a handful, even maybe less, of books/movies that made me tear up.

    Confession: I didn't shed a tear on some well-known tearjerkers (e.g. (Book) The Fault in Our Stars, (Movie) Miracle in Cell no. 7) It feels like an achievement when I don't tear up at those things which made others cry out a river. And no, I don't hold back on crying. I just don't. Yes I feel moved and/or touched and/or sad but not to the point that I start to weep. I'm weird that way lol :)

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  16. Hormones.
    I get hormonal and feel the need to cry. When I know I'm in that mood I just need a cry and get past it, so I get the nearest sad book and open it up, or watch a show I know will be sad. I guess it makes more sense to cry over the death of a fictional character than to just cry because you can't find the Vaseline pot. You might laugh but I honestly did cry because I couldn't find my Vaseline tub once, THAT'S how hormonal I was.
    Apart from that reason I don't really do sad books. Not unless I've read and heard in MANY places that it's an amazing book (Sister's Keeper, TFiOS).

    - Shepa

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  17. Thanks for all the comments, guys! This started out kind of light-hearted, but has actually been enlightening! :D

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