Ten Reasons To Move Into a Bookstore
Recently I moved to the West Coast, near a handful of blessed beaches and palm trees. But debatably just as wonderfully, albeit accidentally, I also moved within walking distance of a Barnes and Noble.
Of course, that fifteen minute walk along busy streets was a doozy with three kids--one of which rode their bike into a ground-covering thorn plant that spanned a block. Which begs the question, what idiot landscaper would unabashedly plant a thornbush for ground cover? All things considered, it turns out a three minute drive with no sweat is even better than a fifteen minute walk of danger.
Aparently, I scored. Because three minutes is nothing, especially if it is to reach the lover of your affair. Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean. I’m far from the only one here who loves a pile of books more than the offerings any other extracurricular man (or woman). I have no qualms publically exploiting this affection and neither should you.
So, while publicly declaring my bookish passion, I might as well dream big. What if I didn’t just live three minutes from a bookstore, but actually moved into one? Try to imagine this with me--what would it be like to live in one of those huge bookstores?
Here are some compelling reasons you might want to try this:
- After a while, touching a screen is just not enough. According to the dystopian YA novel, Awaken, we have something like billions of sensors in our fingers that were made to touch more than screens. Those sensors just gotta be used or WE. WILL. DIE. What a better place to keep my heart pumping than by living in a health-inducing bookstore?
- It would entertain the whole family. Being a mom of Littles, there isn’t too much I can do that I love to do with the Wild Things around. But at bookstores and libraries my kids will self-entertain for like, anywhere from twenty minutes to two hours, so might as well try two months to twenty years. (The toy section and Thomas the Train display do not hurt.)
- There are plenty of bedtime stories, for those who need to be read to sleep.
- I don’t have to worry about them finding us when the store closes, because there are plenty of simple places to hide--namely, behind stacks of books. In addition, we only would have to raid the gift section to to light the room with smelly candles named “Emily Dickinson’s Sandalwood” or “Lavender Parisian Revolution.”
- There is a variety of food and coffee onsite! Now I just have to figure out how to get on the Barnes and Noble eating plan, because the taste is good and I can use all the cream and sugar I want.
- I might as well make use of the free internet and cancel my at-home crappy internet service. I hate bills anyway.
- There are always celebrities coming to make things interesting. They sign books. They pass-out cupcakes. They give out trivia prizes, buttons, stickers, and free paper flyers I could then staple together into my very own book to sell out of sight near the bathroom.
- The comfy chairs. The other rude people who use my favorite chair by the YA books for two whole hours won’t have a chance to get in it before I do because I’ll be sleeping in it all night! Booyah!
- No one will make fun of me for saying something dorky like “Booyah” because we, at bookstores, are so elite and educated, we kindly tolerate each others differences and oddities for the sake of the Republic of Books and All Things Holy.
- If I don’t know how to handle something, I know there is a book close by to tell me what to do:
- Kids fighting over the last copy of Percy Jackson? No problem, I’ll just go to the parenting aisle to figure out how to best intervene.
- Husband annoyed that I seem unsatisfied due to my odd obsession with Stephenie Meyer's vampires? Just find the marriage book aisle, or maybe point him to Game of Thrones to read together.
- Store Manager trying to kick us out? Surely, I could find a guide for that in the bookstore too.
Now I am kinda hoping my next move actually is into a bookstore.
Wait, are you a fretting defeatist who fears that real live bookstores will vanish entirely, and thus you will be unable to live out this incredible vision I planted in your heart, to move into a bookstore?
One of my favorite movies is You’ve Got Mail. Big bad Fox Books, who can just go to h*ll, has nothing on ebooks and Prime shipping. Can you imagine a remake of this movie? Instead of falling in love via the barely invented internet, Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan would be falling in love by joining the little Shop Around the Corner with the evil corporate Fox Books to take down the glorious, world-ruling system of Kindles, Nooks, and Crannies (wait--you mean Crannies isn’t a type of book app?). It would almost be like the classic Fahrenheit 451 as a chick flick (but sooo not).
Although this might be an interesting dystopian story for Scott Westerfield, Alexandra Bracken and John Green to team-up writing together, I’m not sure it is necessary.
Don’t fret yet, book-loving friend. I just don’t think a non-tactical version of books will ever fully exist (something we can assure you more on another time, in another post).
In the meantime, feed your book fanatic nature by relating to Ten Things Only Book Addicts Will Understand by Andye and plan the details of your move to a bookstore, as they aren’t vanishing. But even if neither of us ever do move into our local version of the Shop Around the Corner or Fox Books, be assured that we just won’t stop loving them because of what they first gave us--books are our love affair, after all.
What would make you want to move into a bookstore? Let us know in the comments below!
Ethereally and unequivocally penned by Elisa (@AverageAdvocate) at www.AverageAdvocate.com “Inspiring the average American to change the world.”
She also dabbles in fiction hidden amongst others occasionally at www.LesNomsDePlume.com. She also really needs a new picture, because she hasn’t had red hair in, like, forever.